Entering a romantic relationship is more than just romance. It is a huge commitment. It is a serious responsibility for both persons part of this connection. You become one in many ways, regardless of whether you are already married or not yet. On another note, there must be individual spaces and personal rights valued even within such a relationship. Yes, you should still always love yourself even while you love your significant other. However, this self-love should not be an excuse or a cover-up to be a selfish lover. Those are two different things. 

Believe it or not, selfishness is one of the relationship issues that many couples all over the world fight over. It is also one of the reasons why many choose to just break up. 

Just to make it clear, selfishness is not the same with self-love, as mentioned earlier. You have to love yourself, of course. That is caring for your needs and giving time for yourself too, working out your growth and development as a person. It’s actually a must before you learn to love others. It changes your general perspective into a much better one. You know how to love yourself, and that helps you know how to love others. You deserve self-love, and it’s something you should never take lightly. 

In contrast, selfishness is when you love yourself so much to the point that you don’t care at all about other people. You don’t care if you hurt or step on others as long as you’re doing fine. When you just love, love and love yourself even when other people are suffering because of what you do, you’re being selfish. 

Being in a relationship with someone who’s selfish is difficult. This article is for the men out there, both for the already taken and and the currently single. Here are 7 red flags that you have a selfish girlfriend.

1 – She wants ALL your time and attention for herself.

One of the major components of a relationship is time. It’s something you give to each other as you make the relationship work and last well. You are not totally ready yet to commit to a person if you are not yet fully ready to spend time, sometimes sacrifice time, for them.   

Nonetheless, although being in a relationship means sharing a big part of yourself, including your time, to the other person, you still have your individual selves. Especially as a young, unmarried couple, you still have a lot of personal needs and duties, which require time. 

A selfish girlfriend wants ALL your time and attention for herself. It might sound like an exaggeration for some, but it’s reality for some. 

If you can barely do anything else for yourself, for and with other people, like your friends and family, because of her demands, then she’s doubtlessly being selfish. You can’t have new friends and can’t maintain healthy friendships, which are normal, because she wants you only talking to her and being with her always. She doesn’t always understand your priorities because they want to be your top priority.   

2 – She keeps talking about herself all the time.

Communication is crucial in a relationship. It’s a two-way system, a give-and-take method too. That’s when it becomes a healthy communication.

You will notice selfishness from your girlfriend if she keeps talking about herself all the time. She always wants you to talk about her too. She always wants to hear what you think about her too. 

While compliments and good things that your girl needs and wants to hear should come out of your mouth, it’s already being too much when they don’t even seem to care about your own stories about yourself or just about anything else apart from herself. 

Whether it’s about positive or negative things, the subject of her stories and of your conversations as a couple is mostly herself.          

3 – She doesn’t listen to or understand your problems.

One of the best parts of having a significant other is having someone to share your problems to and randomly rant about them while that someone helps you in one way or another. When you feel exhausted due to problems, it’s just so pleasant and reassuring that somebody is ready to listen and be a shoulder to lean on and even cry on.

However, if you have a selfish girlfriend, you might not be able to relate to that. Why? She talks about her problems and asks for your comfort, but when it’s your time of having a bad moment in life, she underestimates your problem and thoughtlessly tells you that you’re a man without a right to feel down or burdened! What’s worse is that she sometimes adds more problems to your problems by talking about her own problems or about her complaints about you and your problems affecting your time for her.

Sadly, she doesn’t listen to or doesn’t understand your problems. 

4 – She only considers herself when making decisions

Even if you’re not yet married, there are decisions that you make together. These decisions are often for your relationship or for your individual lives. For the latter, it’s just that there are things where you consult each other’s say and feelings before taking a step to do something or go somewhere. At the end of the day, it’s still up to you as individuals. 

A selfish girlfriend only considers herself when making decisions. You two discuss but the conclusion is whatever she thinks is best. It’s like you’re always just following and not being heard.

5 – She only receives and seldom or never gives

Romantic relationships go with the give-and-take system. Everyone knows that. Although men are the ones courting women and doing their best to win their yes, men should also receive, not just material things but love in various forms, when they are already in a relationship. 
A subtle sign of a selfish girlfriend is that she only receives and seldom or never gives. Though you shouldn’t really ask for anything in return when you do something for people you love, you should also know the good you deserve.

6 – She is the only one allowed to get upset

Women are known to be more emotional compared to men. From there, you clearly see the word ‘more’ coming before ‘emotional’, which means men are emotional as well. Humans are emotional beings in general.  

A selfish girlfriend probably doesn’t accept the previously said truth, so she believes that she is the only one allowed to get upset. She makes you feel bad when you get upset or mad at her, somehow blaming you instead or playing victim when she’s the root of your emotions. 

7 – She threatens you with a breakup whenever you’re in an argument

Disagreements and fights exist in every relationship. They strengthen it, but they are among the many common reasons for breakups too. 

And your selfish girlfriend often uses the ‘Let’s just break up!’ card when you’re in an argument. Confident that you’ll be afraid it will happen, she threatens you that she will break up with you if you’re not going to agree with them. Instead of actually fixing the problem, this awful line is her weapon against you. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells. You don’t really fix the issue; you just settle half-heartedly to end the quarrel. It’s toxic.  
When things get to the worst cases, like if the threats become dangerous for you, don’t hesitate to call trusted lawyers for legal help and protection. Men need protection, too, from selfish girlfriends who keep their freedom from them and hurt them.   

WHAT TO DO

It’s hard to be in a relationship with someone who is self-centered. It hurts you and the relationship itself. Unhealthy – that’s what the romantic relationship becomes when one is or both are selfish. It makes you feel tired and undervalued. Selfishness is not an ingredient of love.

So what can you do when you see the red flags that your girlfriend is actually being selfish in your relationship? Speak with her, and let her know what and how you feel because of what she does and says. She might need an eye-opener because some selfish lovers don’t realize that they are indeed selfish until their partner tells them that they are. If she’s willing to accept the correction for the betterment of herself, yourself and your relationship, then support her and be there for her. Stay beside her for her to grow into a better person and a better partner.

In other cases, some men are urged to break up with their selfish girlfriends due to situations that invalidate their feelings and violate their rights, not simply as men but also as humans. That’s also another way to deal with this, especially if you’ve been holding it in for a long time, telling her about it for many times already, but she’s still not letting go of her selfishness, hurting you and offending you in various ways. Worst-case scenario, there might be a need for legal help and lawyers’ advice if your selfish girlfriend is inflicting physical, mental, emotional and economical abuse on you. This is one of the complaints commonly legally filed by men against their overly selfish female partners. 

Men, you’re strong and tough, expected to be at the giving end, but also know your worth. Also be aware of the warning signs that your girlfriend is selfish in your relationship. Help her improve, or if it’s the best decision to make, end the relationship. Whichever is best for the both of you, do as you deem fit.             

_____________

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Nicole Ann Pore, from the Philippines, is the writer of this article.